Zehereelay Conversation between HIV and H1N1.

Plot: Body of a person who is in fever for last couple of days, feeling pain in his muscles and joints,waiting in long queue for swine flu check up.

Characters: H1N1 and HIV.

HIV: Ho ho ho ha ha ha ha ha ......I can’t believe your face MAN, just look at you poor honey ....you are so scared ..oh ma god .....Laughing my freaking ass off at you....

H1N1 (drooping face, really angry) : Haa haa .....Laugh laugh......I thought we are friends....but now i am feeling how wrong i was.

HIV (stopped laughing, but still traces of smile were there): hey mate....don’t get so panicky....It happens yaar......There’s nothing to be afraid or feeling ashamed of yourself if you are caught by a doctor. Man,They are not police, they are not going to put you behind the bars....Insaan ko satana fir doctor ke haathon pakra jana....It happens in our industry. The point is,can you spell the same magic in that doctors body,as you did in this poor chaps furniture. Look at your friends here.....they are all planning to attack the poor doctors now.....if you think they are not suitable for you then attack these beautiful nurses......(laughs again....)
H1N1 (getting more flaccid) : I know you old customers pretty well ....you guys are always packed with millions of gyan and whenever you see a helpless like me, no matter what, you are ready to vomit all those fucking sheets...Look don’t tell me these silly words....I know why are you putting these things infront of me.......the base line is you have not been caught yet....that’s why....what do you think of your self ...haa ..like that silly bollywood director..Who uses those even sillier dialogues in his movies..like what ...yes ... “police of eleven countries are behind me. D** ko pakarna muskil hi nahi na mumkin hain”. I mean how on earth someone can think these kind of craps....So many years had gone by in between the original and the sequel and see ..... that same eleven countries are doing paparazzi stuff behind Mr.D** saab...ek limit honi chahiye ....Yaar yeh log kya bolna chahte hain...in these year...there has been no development in his onshore buisness ....I mean...police v itni dino se baith ke hila raha tha kya....does it make any sense?
Now coming back to the point.....Bohot aish kar liya idhar buddhe.....avi boriya bistar bandh aur dusri koi thikane ka soch......

Can’t you listen to these chirping, that’s going around us.....My old friend..this is not a simple test ...its a out and out blood test..and this poor chap ....where we both were living our happy lives till date..who neither used condoms in his life nor has any idea what the hell a blood report is.....also does not know what is waiting for him in few minutes from now.Dont laugh on me,theres every chance of you getting caught today.

HIV : Oh ma god ..Oh ma god......I swear man...I have never heard anything funnier than that in my whole career. Can’t you understand that, your disease is curable but mine is not? Man you are nowhere in the list of diseases.
That’s why i tell my kids...learn to honor your gods at your business....
Son...listen....you are a new kid on the block......I can understand that now days you are from top to bottom on every page of every newspaper ...that does not mean that you will not respect the old campaigners......look mate.....Even i had those glory days of my life when evolved in earth for the first time. In those days, AIDS was no less than AL KAIDA of late 90’s.But I kept my feet on my ground ...respected my seniors no matter how lethal they were .....Aj un bujurgo ki dua se.... i am not only incurable but also regarded as one of the brutal diseases of this world.

H1N1 (feeling really ashamed): oh sorry man ..don’t mind please.. i was on bit of high.....if i have said something wrong or harsh..Please forgive them....i didn’t want to humiliate you or hurt you..it was not my intension...please please...please forgive me.....

HIV : its ok dear.. i can understand....but the bottom line is ...
you have said the truth ...today we both will be caught. This is not a regular test,this is the bloody blood test.

H1N1: so what are you thinking now? Any plans of a shift?

HIV: No son...i am just fine here...Nothing will happen to me.....Yeh HIV duniya ki usool hain..as long as your work is pending....as long as this poor man does not breath his last, i cant move man... i have to do my job....and guess what...There’s nothing better and happier than doing your job with honesty and dignity. am i right?
H1N1: yes you are....i mean that’s great man...keep up the good work.....and dont let this man live happily...but today i must confess man...i had the plans of doing it before you could do that...but now i will let you do your job.
HIV : Thanks man. But i am thinking something else.....

H1N1 : What man?

HIV : I know that this poor guy will die sooner or later. But yaar kuchh log intne la parwa kiu hote hain....ghar me biwi hain, do do bachhe hain..but still they go to brothels....hotels...aur na jaane kaha kaha...achha maan liya thik hain....but why dont these guys use condoms during sex.....even they know condoms are not that costly...but still....Now he will go back home....knowing he has AIDS. Then the news will spread like fire in this society....Then before he dies in AIDS, his wish to live will die from inside...This bloody society will not let him live.
H1N1: main do baatein bolna chahta hu is mudde par...

HIV : kya ?

H1N1 : first is that..if he would have used condoms then what about your existence.....and the second thing is , why this society will let him live...I mean this guy is so mean.....he has wife , children still he is busy with his extra marital....

HIV : sahi kaha mere dost.....AIDS ek character certificate jaisa ban gaya hain.....but believe me.....AIDS is not only the outcome of unsafe sexual intercourse.but using blades used by others or using allready used syringes may also cause AIDS......lekin kuchh v ho reason ..AIDS hua to society bus ek hi reason pakar leti hain....aur patient ka band baja deti hain....( a big hush)
Yeh sab baatein chhor...now tell me ....what’s your plan??

H1N1: I am planning something bigger.

HIV: Bigger means what?

H1N1 (putting his head up , confidence glittering all over the face) : I want to move to Mr. Immortal singh’s body.....

HIV:Mr. Immortal singh ? That party leader?

Whats the big deal in that? Wait wait ....do you work for that nonsense female leader?

H1N1 (with pride): No .....i have no interest in this dirty Indian politics. Though i know viruses go hand to hand with dirt.

HIV : No i thought....then why Mr. Immortal singh?

H1N1 : come come.....(HIV puts his hearing organ forward to the mouth of H1N1)

HIV (shifts quite an angstrome of distance in surprise): you little beauty.........i have been watching you for couple of days.. fast that you were taking this poor man to his funeral, i knew you are the horse of long race...but never knew you also have these much of big dreams in your eyes.........

oh naughty boy .... How could you think of such a migration plan .. How could you think of her .....I mean she is the most beautiful lady in this country ....her husband is the son of the biggest star of bollywood ..How could you.....By the way i thought this is the teritorry for we guys only..but you..you mean,....

Go ahead son....go ahead.....

H1N1 : Friend....I have so many of my community here ..can i have a little chat with them.......i will talk to you later...

HIV: Sure ....

H1N1 comes back after a while.

HIV : ho gayi sab se mulaqatein....

H1N1: Haa.....

HIV : what they are saying?
H1N1: they are all talking about the shifts....obviously some of them are not.....as they are already half way through the job....like you...(smiles)....
HIV (smiles in repeat) : Ek baat puchhu mere dost ?

H1N1 : haa kyun nahi.....

HIV : yaar ......Why you guys are not in pakistan.....

H1N1 : Kya baat hain mere dost ? AIDS ki copyright india ne kharid li kya.......

Dont take tension.....we will not let anyone go from our grasp...As per our agenda....we will take one city , one state , one country at a time...Pakistan will surely come....

HIV : I think they are not attacking mumbai due to you guys......

H1N1 : ho sakta hain...(bursts out in laughter again)....

HIV : Par yaar ..you should leave these poor guys..........in PMT buses..most of them dont have enough in their money bag , they cant afford an auto rikshaw...I know in buses every body are congested and closed..paar garibi pe kuchh to rahem kha....
H1N1 : Dekh yaar.. i cant tell about others...but as you know i am in for a big fish.....or should i say a marmaid...

HIV : Hmmm.......Par tum logo ne to kamal hi kar diya ...yeh mask pahen ke chalne waale shaher me sab ko mu pe aur ek mask dal ne pe majbur kar diya.

Aree dekh dekh even college students are here.....I think they are freshers....

H1N1 : I think so.....aare wait wait...my other H1N1 friend was telling me a story about ragging in colleges....I mean now swine flu is also a topic of ragging in colleges...

HIV : how?

H1N1 : Look two senior students come to a junior guy and ask that if his father is hydrogen and mother is oxygen then what is his identity. That poor junior lad answers with confidence that he is water means h2o . The senior students call other students around that guy and says ....look this guy is telling he has two fathers...the junior denies as usual.....the senior slaps that guy and says “ while ago you said you are water so you have two hydrogens as your 2 fathers and one oxygen as your mother...didnt you tell that?" the junior breaks in tears...the senior guys again ask him “what is better prevention or cure?” the junior replies “prevention” . the senior guys ask again.... if his father remains hydrogen and mother is nitrogen this time then what is his identity. The junior takes sometime and replies HN. Seniors ask “so you are saying you are H1N1” . The junior nods and says yes. Seniors beat him as he had said “prevention is better than cure”.....
Poor chap....but but...

We are making it to everywhere....

HIV : truly great going......but i sometime feel.....the biggest virus of this world is human being himself..the biggest dirt.....And theres no cure of that...
H1N1 : Ohh la la la ..Mama miya.....

Am i talking to a virus or a rock band vocalist cum lyricist...
HIV : No serious man..these human beings harm each other thousands of time more than we do ..there’s so much of hatred lying in their soul for each other...ekdusre ke failures sun ke kitna khush ho jaate hain.

H1N1 : yaa its true.....but what can we do....

HIV: let us only attack these bad guys of this world...and make this world again a peaceful area of living.

H1N1: Pata nahi yaar tu kya bol raha hain.....All are going bouncers over my head....

HIV : Ok chal leave all these hard topics. Ab bata shadi ke baare me kab soch raha hain.
H1N1 : I have plans....but thats quite a secret.

HIV : Kya secret bhai.....mujhe nahi batayega?

H1N1 : I have plans for a fusion work.

HIV : Tu kya bol raha hain? What do you mean by fusion work?

H1N1 : I mean i want to put H1N1 in to all time glory list of viruses. I want to show the world what we can do and what we are capable of doing.

HIV : Please spill the beans.

H1N1 : Look on upcoming days i want to make a hybrid of two viruses and one of them will be H1N1. Thats what i can tell you now.Talks are going on with another community...hope we will come up with even more dangerous virus in the next decade.

HIV : which community?

H1N1 : That i cant tell you..nothing is finalized yet...will they agree to have sex with us .....is still a matter of concern...

HIV : hmmm..thats right...

H1N1 : Oh HIV...i have to leave now.....the poor guy is in for the next call to the doctor.....I have to move from his body now....he will not have fever from next day on.....It was really nice to meet with you HIV.....i will miss you......take care
HIV : I will miss you too my son.....you will have to go quite a long distance....so dont be late.............Wish you best of luck for your future plans.... take care.

The word

They say that is has got some thing to do with your heart
But when it comes to nerves they use their head
And the irony is,when the stomach wants and you can't provide
The word says "Its over now, where is my butter and bread"

I heard the word so many times on my idiot box
While watching lawn tennis matches exclusive and live
And the irony is, its the worst point of the game
but people laments when they loose the word in their lives

I used to chat when I was feeling boredom
and I was so much into those Kewl acronyms
And the irony is, in my thermodynamics class
I found Loss of valuabale energy carries the same meanings

I knew 143 is just a meer number
But they tell me, it has got more than it sounds
And the irony is,When i took four and three close together
I found the heart is hit by an arrow and its leaning down

In school days they say eighty percent as letter marks
As sum of numeric order of letters of "letter" makes it eighty
And the irony is, I got 54 in geography
The subject that made praying "Save me almighty"

I didn't know why that word had puzzled me so much
May be i was thinking too much odd
And the irony is, I feel it each and every day
When I switch on Bryan Adams in my Ipod. [:)]